It is better to be satisfied with someone you love than dissatisfied. From the goodness of your heart, you may want a loved one to change, and, yet, the only person you can change is yourself. Surely, you have learned this already.
How does a plant grow? By watering and sunshine. You can't order a plant to grow. You can't order a flower to bloom. You can't order a tree to bear fruit. You can love an almond tree. You can not ask it to become a peach tree.
In what you desire for another, you may be absolutely right. Nevertheless, it is not your place to demand. Your choice is to nourish. You cannot demand change from another. You can demand change only from yourself. It is not for you to give commands. It is for you to love and bless. Love and blessing come first. Love and blessing work wonders. If you really want to help someone grow, then love them. Love them as they are, and they will grow. There is nothing like love to nourish.
If you want to make someone strong, love him. Correction may dissolve another's strength rather than strengthen. You must allow another his free will. Free will does not infringe on another. Your jurisdiction is over yourself, not another.
You may desire peace. The way to peace is to give it. What is yours to give is yours. What is not yours to give is not yours.
You are not to have an iron hand with others. And give yourself a break too. Let go, let go. Free yourself.
Discipline yourself if you must. Your way is your way. Your way may not be another's way. Discipline yourself to allow others to be themselves. The way to change others is to love them as they are. Love and acceptance give room for another to grow. Imposed change is not change. It is a cover-up. To enforce another's change is not a change. Far more powerful than force is tenderness, beloveds.
How do you reconcile your perceived needs with another's? You cannot always have your way. Nor do you always want others to emulate your way. You don't want others to play a part that is true for you but not for them. Pushing and pulling are not your courses of action. Pushing doesn't work. Forced change is not growth. Enforcement belongs to the police, not to lovers.
You cannot give others an impossible task and expect them to fulfill it. Others can grow. That is their divine right. You can encourage another to grow, and, yet, you are not the decider. You cannot make decisions for another. Others must make their own decisions, and you must allow them. Everyone has to pull his own strings. Everyone has the right of self-determination even when you are right.
You can desire, and you can let go. You have to let go when it comes to others. Desire and let go. Desire another's happiness and let them own it. In your heart and in your practice, allow freedom.
Others are not to make their choices looking over their shoulder at you. They are not to change according to your vision. Have your vision, and allow others their vision. What is best for you may not be best for another, even when you are sure it is. Oh, yes, it's true, if only someone could be more like you. However, it may cost another too much to try to be like you. Your jurisdiction goes only so far. Be a freedom-giver. Never be an overseer. Everyone is to have his own free-wheeling space. You are free to love. It is not your choice to change another.
Heavenletter #4399 Published on: December 10, 2012
source = http://www.heavenletters.org/an-almond-tree-cannot-bear-peaches.html